1) Sonnet
There are many things, so absurd they are
That they often tend to confuse the mind.
Although just things, I'm not stretching too far
When I bluntly say, that they are unkind.
See there was a girl, heart was broke she said,
She went to doctors, hoping to be saved,
But her heart was fine, t'was big, strong and red,
Her mind was sick, of disorders they raved.
Heartbreak is a psychological ill,
Yet the fairy tale version is preferred,
But we are talking about heartbreak still,
Though we've already falsified the word.
The girl mentioned above, this is what she found:
The heart's just a muscle, pumping blood around.
2) Free-form: Näcken
Here is a man, see what he sees:
A violent river surrounded by trees.
A quick flash of memory, the lash of a whip,
Mind filled with dread, blood: drip, drip.
From a stone in the water his song can be heard,
The man with the fiddle, his riddle absurd.
The tune is enticing, luring and strong,
He fiddles in water, is that so wrong?
Son of the devil, spawn of the hells,
Drowning small children, or so the story tells.
But what lies yonder the eyes of the beast?
What comes to his mind, from what he sees?
A girl is approaching, led by his strokes,
Gets caught by the current, and away she floats.
Inspect our fiddler and what do we find,
Streams of tears running down from his eyes.
Playing non-stop, always in the nude,
Driven by forces he could not elude.
The slayer of children, destroyer of youth,
Thoroughly evil, but is that the truth?
3) Limerick
A lazy logger from London
Was punished though he'd nothing wrong done
For it was fate
That made the young girl late
Still he should have been wearing a condom
Nice to read your poems! I am not that familiar with the form of the sonnet, but I had to read it twice to try and understand what it was really about. The ending is very powerful but I don't feel that instant connection to the beginning - not until I had read it through several times.
SvaraRaderaRegarding the second poem I found it very beautiful. Folklore, legends and myths are very dear to me and I think you did a good job conveying the nature of this famed water spirit. However, I wouldn't name a poem in English with a Swedish word. In English it's called the Neck and it's not very far off from the Swedish word.
And finally then, the limerick. You've got the limerick-y naughtiness right, but the rhythm is a bit off. The first line is rather short on syllables while line 2 and 5 have ten each- Same goes for line 3 and 4, there's no balance within the rhythm and that disturbs the reading.
I liked the first sonnet, it was very emotional and interesting. I don't know what else to say.
SvaraRaderainteresting choice to write about. I like the fact that you try to understand and explain the neck rather than the legend itself.
I loved the limerick, i first thought it was about a date or something untill i read the last line, hilarious
The sonnet is good, and true. I like the free-form as well and agree with Figgers.
SvaraRaderaThe limmerick is a little funny, but it needs better rythm. Try to keep the number of syllables on line 1, 2 and 5 the same as well as on line 3 and 4 the same. I think that will improve it.